It has now been 2 1/2 weeks since David took his last breath and 3 weeks since Emma and Easton each took their first. The time has passed like a blur and feels 3 times as long. It has been a time when a sense of closure takes hold and healing begins. On June 7 we said our final goodbyes in a very personal private family service and burial. The hope of the future, our little twin grandchildren, have needed extra attention because of feeding problems so I have been able to help Jon and Kerrie and little Ella (21 months old today). My heart and life are very full!
This spring, our Celebration, FL minister had made a comment to me about being open to the supernatural after David’s passing. Yet I hadn’t heard his dear voice from the other room. I hadn’t seen him round the corner just ahead of me. Nothing. And then in the early morning about a week after David’s passing, when I was helping at the home of the twin babies and was in that semi-sleep that comes when one ear is always open for the sounds of their stirring, David came to me.
I was sitting in the driver’s seat of our mini-van in a parking lot when, suddenly, there he was in the passenger seat beside me! And his tall, silent companion had slipped into the back seat. David looked handsome, charming, 80# heavier, and happy. My initial emotion was one of “all is right with the world”, David is here. But then I realized this wasn’t quite right. Haltingly, I asked him, “But didn’t you die?” My bemused stammerings were the only words spoken aloud during that time but mind-to-mind, heart-to-heart David shared with me an incredible sense of peace and contentment and encouragement. We didn’t even touch but the moment was incredibly intimate. And then he and his companion were gone. Instead of being left with an aching hole in my heart, I felt incredibly uplifted and totally at peace with where David is now. I awoke with tears of WOW!! streaming down my face.
Was this vision wishful thinking? Maybe…although I haven’t been yearning for a final glimpse at David. We had time for closure and for expressing our love and commitment to each other while he was still alive. Was it a dream? It could have been although my dreams usually are epic cinema events with multiple sub-plots and a changing flow of characters. In addition, the whole dreamy scenario and its emotions usually evaporate from my memory within a few hours.
I believe David came to me to assure me that HE is even more than well. And now 10 days later, that feeling deep in my soul is every bit as solid. In the days after his death with all the busy-ness that follows the passing of a loved one, I had been fairly composed. I would think of David with the abstract but real acknowledgement that he is now with the Lord, no longer struggling physically. But what would always bring me to my knees sobbing my heart out was the memory of the physical and mental loses he experienced, especially in the 2 weeks before his passing. He was aware that his mental faculties were going haywire as he tried to make lists and couldn’t even get beyond the title (“Items”) and numbering (1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 6, 5, 7, 9, 9, 9). My heart just broke for him. Or when he would try to express a thought and the words were all jumbled nonsense. Or when he tried to sit on the edge of the bed and his arms would be unable to support his weight yet he kept trying and trying, never giving up. All that heartbreak lifted from me after he appeared to me in the front seat of the van! And it hasn’t returned to torment me. He is so beyond all that! My heart sings for him now and those difficult memories do not have a hold on me!
I debated with myself about whether I should share this extremely personal moment with you or not. But it is just too good not to share! And it may serve as an encouragement to some of you who have gone through the loss of a loved one, too.
When I reflect further on David’s visitation, I recall a quirky but fun detail that always makes me smile. I might be wrong but it sure seems to me that he and his silent companion (Jerry Swan??, the man who orchestrated our initial meeting of one another on a blind double date back in 1981) were dressed to go Up North fishing!